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Trauma Talk Blog - 3 Ways Unresolved Trauma May Be Derailing Your Relationship

6/30/2021

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Read Our Latest Articles
“Trauma is perhaps the most
avoided, ignored, belittled, denied,
misunderstood, and untreated cause
of human suffering.”
Peter Levine, Ph.D., Waking The Tiger
Our Blog Stories Open Doorways
Into Understanding Trauma
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What Exactly Is Trauma and
Why Does It Matter?

Understanding the link between trauma and behavior

Diana's Story and Message
I've lived with unresolved trauma for decades

Yes, trauma has caused major problems in my relationships: romantic, professional, and with friends. I have been confused, unaware of the damage, and how it showed up and interfered with and, in some cases, completely derailed parts of my life. 

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In surviving trauma and caring for myself through all the devastation it wreaks, perhaps the biggest lesson I’ve learned is that trying to minimize trauma, rationalize it, stigmatize it, and put on a stoic, but, erroneous public face only makes things worse.  
Trauma can be understood. Trauma can be managed.  
But trauma never completely goes away.

Once I found the courage to attend to my painful feelings deep inside that were demanding my help -- I made the conscious choice to examine my inner messaging and my insecurities, and all the collateral havoc that trauma entails.
I was then able to start to work through the negative impact trauma was having every day in my life and on my relationships.  

During the many years I have walked the road to recovery, along the way,
I have discovered a variety of healing modalities, including individual therapy, education courses, books, and meditation.

It was extremely helpful to participate in support groups, to meet people who have had similar experiences, and inspirational life leaders who have helped teach me about self-love and self-respect which are essential virtues for healing which are undermined by unresolved trauma.

I had to make hard choices to confront, reconcile and integrate those things I had long forgotten or had hoped would magically disappear.
Trauma is real. The effects of trauma are long lasting. 
They are an indelible part of our story.

I believe it’s important to find ways that help to increase our self-awareness
, gather support, and eventually begin healing our inner wounds. There are so many of us that are learning to be the heroes of our own story, who are no longer sitting on the sidelines wondering what happened to them.

If this story resonates with you, please always remember:
You too can heal. You are not alone. You are a survivor.


Trauma
A Poem Written by Diana Kendros
​Loving ourselves takes time
Pursuing strength is a mission of mine
 
Trauma is painful
Trauma is real
Trauma is not always what we feel
 
It comes in episodes our
brain releases without notice
 
We remember them on occasion 
or with precise focus
 
Flashbacks of sorrow, 
never peace of mind
 
Sometimes they are easy, 
but they are never, ever kind
 
Who knew we could be so tender?
 
Pain just below the surface 
ready to surrender
 
Unbeknownst to us, 
it sneaks in and takes over
Emotions clamoring for their position
Who will lose and who will listen?
 
Finding our way through a minefield
Stepping ever so gently

Becoming a human shield 
for our friends and family
 
Perversion has a place in this world
secretive
elusive  
hard to catch 
 
Acutely conniving
Barely a stranger, always a danger
 
Forever frightening, 
when feasting to fetch
 
Knowing I don't belong there,
others think I do

How do I move away from the difference between me and you?
 
 
Diana Kendros

Diana and Jan love
to hear from you!
Send a message:
traumatalkblog@gmail.com

Like Our Blog

Many people who have experienced trauma feel as if the traumatic experience “wasn’t that big of a deal.” They say, “It’s in the past” or “It doesn’t affect me today.”
 
The fact is, by the time we’re adults, many of us have brushed off, pushed away and shoved down earlier pain so often, that our reactions to these experiences have become conditioned as ‘normal’.
3 Ways Unsolved Trauma Affects Us
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At its simplest, trauma is an experience that overwhelms our ability to cope.
 
This might be for any number of reasons like:
 
• The experience itself was scary, violating, or abusive
 
• It happened at an early or impressionable age
 
• It was a repeated event
 
• It happened alongside other stressful life events
 
• It reminded the person of past bad experiences
 
Welcome to survival mode…
We minimize.
We deny.
We rationalize.
We put on a smile and go about our day, none the wiser, and all the more numb.

The truth is, unresolved trauma IS most likely affecting you today.

Traumatizing events can impact our entire life and being--even when there is no physical harm or damage.
 
The toll for those who have experienced trauma can be high, including a sense of identity, security and dysregulated mood and emotions.


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One of the most far-reaching ways that trauma wreaks havoc is in intimate relationships.
 
It’s in the closeness of an intimate relationship where unresolved trauma can trigger dysregulation of our nervous system—sending us outside of our window of tolerance where we find ourselves reacting in a survival mode of fight, flight, or freeze.
Article

We Have A Window of Tolerance
Neurologically speaking, everyone has a window of tolerance.
This window represents an optimal range of experience where things feel “just right.” Within this window life can be stressful or difficult, but you are still able to cope.
 
Within this window we are able to thrive and manage our everyday life.

Archived Blog Posts
Stress and traumatic experiences can
shrink our window of tolerance.

Mindset Coaching with Diana
Complementary 30-min sessions available (click below)
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Mindset Coaching explores our inner dialog, the stories we all tell ourselves, specifically looking at the thoughts, words, and phrases that we use every day to make meaning out of our life. 
 
The thoughts that constantly percolate through our brains reflect our foundational beliefs, our underlying attitudes, and our biases, which determine how we process information, and which create our perspective.
 
Self-talk defines us. It tells the story of how we see ourselves and the world.  
 
These stories color our perceptions and our relationships.
Mindset Coaching helps to support, reshape, and redefine our perspective to serve us in more positive, productive, and healthy ways.

​
Adopting a new mindset that focuses on growth and harmony allows us to embrace obstacles that may have felt threatening – struggles, setbacks, criticism.
 
But from a broader point of view these kinds of challenges can be seen as steps that are necessary for progress.
 
These new adaptations in our perspective can play a big role in creating a balanced, successful, and happy life.
Free 30-Min Coaching Session

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More About Diana

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Contact Details
Trauma Talk Blog
PO Box 931
Fairfield, IA 52556
Email: traumatalkblog@gmail.com

As always, thanks for reading, and we appreciate all the wonderful comments!
Diana and Jan

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2021 Jefferson County Fair Auction - Monday Night

6/28/2021

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Jefferson County Fair
4-H and FFA Fair Auction/Sale
Monday, June 28th, 2021
Fairfield, IA


Dear Jefferson County Fair Supporter,
 
We hope this letter finds you, your family, and your business well! This last year has presented plenty of challenges along the way. However, it has also shown the perseverance of folks like you stepping up to meet those challenges with adaptive solutions. You should be very proud of yourself and your teams.

While last year’s fair had a different look, you and your business still showed up to help support our youth in a major way! On behalf of the sale committee we would like to say Thank You! Altogether 2020 net sales were an astonishing $77,795.  Our sale committee is working to publicize the 2021 sale and recruit additional buyers with the goal of reaching $100,000 raised for the 4-H and FFA youth of Jefferson County.  We are hoping to make the auction a community event that is memorable for both buyers and sellers.

This year’s sale will be held Monday evening June 28, 2021 at the Jefferson County Fairgrounds. A free dinner for buyers will be served by the Jefferson County Pork Producers beginning at 5:30PM. The sale will begin at 6:30PM. Like last year the exhibitors’ live animals will NOT be present at the auction. You will be bidding on the “premium” only at the sale. What you bid will be what you pay, with no reimbursement or buyback.

What will be new at the sale this year? Each of our 4-H/FFA clubs ( X clubs total) will be able to sell 1 item through the live auction as a fundraiser for their club.  Our hope is this new element gives the clubs a chance to express their creativity while adding a tangible element to the sale.  In addition, there will be a silent auction going on throughout the fair at the McCleary building.  There will be a variety of items to bid on with proceeds going to benefit the Jefferson Co. Fairboard and 4-H/FFA in Jefferson County.

Finally, if you are unable or wish not to attend this year’s sale in person but would still like to bid on a project, we have a couple options. We would be happy to take order bids for specific exhibitors, specific species, or simply specific amounts. If you have a set amount you’d like to spend (ex: $200) but feel it may not be enough to purchase an item in full, we would be happy to work with other supporters to allow you to combine funds and make a purchase.  We’re hopeful these options allow you to support the youth of the county at the level with which you have the most comfort.   

If you have any questions about this year’s sale or would like to make a bid, please contact one of the committee members below. We look forward to making this year’s auction the most memorable yet.
 
Sincerely,
 
Gretchen McLain
641-919-9082


Please visit the Greater Jefferson County Fair website.
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Fiesta Days in Fairfield - Happening in July

6/23/2021

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Fiesta Days
July 30th and July 31st, 2021
Participating Businesses in Fairfield


Fairfield’s Annual Sidewalk Sale Days, known as Fiesta Days, returns to Fairfield July 30-31. The event which dates back to the 1960s (at least), is the town’s premier sidewalk sales event. Shop local stores and restaurants for summer deals! Stores will be open both days, 9 am – 6 pm. Check individual businesses for special extended hours. Store and restaurant specials and other details will be posted on Facebook. Make plans to shop Fairfield’s Fiesta Days! Sponsored by the Fairfield Area Chamber of Commerce’s Retail and Restaurant Committee.

Participants include:

Adela's
Bountiful Bakery
Browns Shoe Fit
Cedar Valley Winery
Chickadee
Crest Jewel
Frontline Print & Web
Greater Habitat for Humanity Restore
Goodwill
Hannah Banana Creations
​Health & Wholeness
Jamuna Crafts Collection
Overland
Revelations Cafe & Bookstore
SOMM Wines
Stuff A Bear And More
Sweet 'N Saucy
Taco John's
Terra Natural Designs
The Dairy Bar
The Well Fairfield
Thymely Solutions
Too Good 2 Be Threw
Volition Skate Company
Quality Quick Stop

Please check back for an updated list of participants, or visit the Chamber's Facebook page.
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Deadline is Coming Up for 2021 Iowan of the Day Nominations

6/17/2021

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Iowan of the Day
Iowa State Fair
Nomination Deadline - Postmarked by July 1st, 2021


Each year the Iowa State Fair Blue Ribbon Foundation and Cookies Food Products collaborate to honor 10 outstanding Iowans. We look for citizens across the state with a strong work ethic, active involvement in their community, and drive to improve the great state of Iowa. Since 1997, Iowans have been recognized at the Iowa State Fair and your help is needed to continue this tradition!
 
Wouldn’t it be rewarding to recognize one of your community’s dedicated citizens with a fun-filled Iowa State Fair package?
​
Iowan of the Day winners receive:
 
  • Four Iowa State Fair Admission Tickets
  • Introduction on the Anne & Bill Riley Stage
  • Four Grandstand Show Tickets
  • Use of the Iowan of the Day Golf Cart
  • VIP Parking
  • Accommodations at the Des Moines Marriott Downtown
  • $200 cash 

​Additional nomination forms are available at www.BlueRibbonFoundation.org/IOTD!
​All Iowan of the Day nominations must be postmarked by July 1st, 2021.
Iowan of the Day Nomination Form
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Lunch and Learn Series - Revisiting Fairfield Go Green Plan

6/16/2021

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Revisiting Fairfield Go Green Plan
Sierra Club of Southeast Iowa
Tuesday, June 22nd, 2021
​12pm via Zoom


Join the Fairfield Area Chamber of Commerce for a Lunch and Learn Series session over the lunch hour on Tuesday, June 22nd at 12pm. This Lunch and Learn will feature the Sierra Club of Southeast Iowa. Please welcome Ken Ross and Mark Dwyer of the Sierra Club of Southeast Iowa as they discuss the Fairfield Go Green Plan.

This Lunch and Learn Series will be held online via Zoom. Please see Zoom details below.

Join Zoom Meeting

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/84600039748?pwd=NjExeXN6UkRUN2UwS0l4NnpJOHBpdz09

Meeting ID: 846 0003 9748
Passcode: 865765

One tap mobile +16465588656,,84600039748#,,,,*865765# US (New York) +13017158592,,84600039748#,,,,*865765# US (Washington DC) Dial by your location +1 646 558 8656 US (New York) +1 301 715 8592 US (Washington DC) +1 312 626 6799 US (Chicago) +1 669 900 9128 US (San Jose) +1 253 215 8782 US (Tacoma) +1 346 248 7799 US (Houston)

Meeting ID: 846 0003 9748
Passcode: 865765

Find your local number: https://us02web.zoom.us/u/kdccMYqhgr


For more information about the Sierra Club of Southeast Iowa, please visit:

https://www.sierraclub.org/iowa/southeast
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Trauma Talk Blog: Cortisol-Heart Attack or Heart Broken

6/3/2021

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DIANA'S STORY
"The Doctor said I wasn't having a Heart Attack - I was Suffering from a Broken Heart"

From personal experience I know a little about trauma and the effects of high cortisol levels. 
During the years of 2012-2014, our family experienced difficult times, we lost my company, gave up our home, and my livelihood, my 15-year old son was struggling after a traumatic event, and we moved to Michigan - to name only a few of the most pressing issues.
These were very stressful times, to say the least.
But I was not prepared for what happened next…
Continue Reading Diana's Heartening Story

WHAT IS CORTISOL?
Think of cortisol as nature’s built-in alarm system. It’s your body’s main stress hormone. It works with certain parts of your brain to control your mood, motivation, and fear.
Your adrenal glands -- triangle-shaped organs at the top of your kidneys -- make cortisol.

It’s best known for helping fuel your body’s “fight-or-flight” instinct in a crisis, but cortisol plays an important role in a number of things your body does. 

HOW DOES IT WORK?
Your hypothalamus and pituitary gland -- both located in your brain -- can sense if your blood contains the right level of cortisol. If the level is too low, your brain adjusts the amount of hormones it makes. Your adrenal glands pick up on these signals. Then, they fine-tune the amount of cortisol they release.
 
Cortisol receptors -- which are in most cells in your body -- receive and use the hormone in different ways. Your needs will differ from day to day. For instance, when your body is on high alert, cortisol can alter or shut down functions that get in the way. 
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CORTISOL'S CONNECTION TO TRAUMA
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Stress exposure triggers a cascade of events in HPA activity with the end product being the release of the glucocorticoid hormone cortisol. Cortisol is generally elevated following trauma exposure.

What happens if I have too much cortisol?
Too much cortisol over a prolonged period of time can lead to a condition called Cushing's syndrome.
This can be caused by a wide range of factors, such as a tumour that produces adrenocorticotropic hormone (and therefore increases cortisol secretion), or taking certain types of drugs.

Too much cortisol symptoms include:
 
  • Rapid weight gain mainly in the face, chest and abdomen contrasted with slender arms and legs
 
  • A flushed and round face
 
  • High blood pressure
 
  • Osteoporosis
 
  • Skin changes (bruises and purple stretch marks)
 
  • Muscle weakness
 
  • Mood swings, which show as anxiety, depression or irritability
 
  • Increased thirst and frequency of urination
 
Learn more about Cortisol and Trauma - click here

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BLOG & WEBSITE
SUBSCRIBE
INVITE DIANA

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Hello and thanks for being here! 
I have dedicated my life and my work to understanding trauma, to supporting those who have struggled with its often debilitating effects and to helping everyone – including myself find a way to make peace with our past, to move forward by making meaning out of even our most traumatic experiences.
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Let me introduce my good friend, Jan, our dedicated business partner, podcast interview host, writer and editor. 
We have been friends for 25 years. We have worked together professionally in business. 
And we have worked together as volunteers, in our role as nationally certified mental health educators. ​
Check out our Archived Blog Posts

FREE GIFT! INCLUDES NEW IMAGES AND REVIEWS
Diana's eBook is about hope, transformation, and most of all, courage.
"It tells the story of my son and his journey from deep despair during years of being bullied to thriving beyond anything we could have imagined.
It conveys the heartache, and sacrifices that were made to save his life, and the determination, fearlessness, and love we needed to summon to create a space for his healing." - Diana Kendros
Free sign-up to our Blog or Podcast
Receive Diana's eBook as a gift!
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Yes! Send Me Diana's eBook!

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Business After Hours - Habitat for Humanity ReStore

6/2/2021

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Business After Hours
Habitat for Humanity ReStore
Tuesday, June 15th, 2021
4:30pm - 6:30pm


Join us for Business After Hours at Habitat for Humanity ReStore! The ReStore is excited to host a live, in-person Business After Hours for attendees to enjoy. Come learn about the ReStore and how crucial it is to the success of the Greater Fairfield Area Habitat for Humanity! Savor a glass of wine and excellent appetizers from Sweet 'n Saucy and come learn what the ReStore is about; feel free to roam the store, spread the word about it and consider donations to it. We hope to see you there!


Greater Fairfield Area Habitat for Humanity is dedicated to eliminating substandard housing locally and worldwide through constructing, rehabilitating and preserving homes; by advocating for fair and just housing policies; and by providing training and access to resources to help families improve their shelter conditions.
​

Greater Fairfield Area Habitat for Humanity ReStore is located at 1903 Hwy 34 Business in Fairfield.

The Chamber Business After Hours is a free, monthly networking event open to Chamber Members, their guests and the general public. If you are interested in hosting a Business After Hours, please contact the Chamber at 641-472-2111 or by email at Info@FairfieldIowa.com. 
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Iowa DNR - Free Fishing Weekend

6/2/2021

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Iowa DNR
Free Fishing Weekend
June 4th - 6th

Lots of people caught the excitement of fishing last summer. It's easy to join the fun!
Free fishing weekend (June 4-6) is a great time to learn how to fish, take your family fishing, or introduce a friend to fishing. Outdoor fun awaits at hundreds of Iowa lakes, thousands of miles of rivers or a neighborhood pond. 

Here's a few tips for a fantastic fishing weekend.
​
  • Keep the fun going all summer long – buy your fishing license today!
  • Attend a free, hands-on fishing event to help get your family started. Check our general fishing calendar for a list of this weekend's fishing events.
  • Find a list of stocked lakes and ponds that are easily accessible in neighborhood parks and along trails on our interactive Iowa Community Fisheries Atlas.
  • Get tips for taking kids fishing and catching crappie, bluegills and yellow bass on our Ready to Fish website.


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Catch a memory when your favorite young angler hooks their first fish!

Print our First Fish Certificate yourself or request a printed copy.

Share your budding angler's success with family and friends.
Get your First Fish certificate!

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